Hmmmmmm

I’m feeling all kinds of weird today.  I don’t know if it’s my period, but I feel weird, kinda gloomy and I’m not sure why.  Well let’s say I don’t fully know why. I’m still feeling a bit troubled about my friendship that I feel I’m out growing. But there are some good aspects of the friendship. I don’t know. I just hate feeling this way. But I think it’s best just to wait and see how things play out. I guess part of me is over it, but then apart of me still has one foot in. I can be pretty decisive when I do make up my mind about people, so instead of doing anything rash, I’ll wait it out.  Today is one of those days where I don’t feel like writing really.  I just figured I’d type and whatever needed to come out would. I’m in a weird place in my life where it’s pretty lonely. As God has been changing me so immensely; things that were once so familiar , no longer work for me. I guess I’m having a bout of growing pains.  😦  After going through the things I went through this past year. I’m not the same. This keeps becoming a reoccuring theme in my new phase of life. I even declared this to be my season of detox. I vowed to rid myself of those things that hold me back.  I think to a certain extent that I’ve changed in a way that even I myself wasn’t ready for. It’s almost like when someone loses weight and they have to adjust their mind to the new image-outlook on life. I don’t think my mind has fully caught up with all the changes.  I know everyone has a story.  But I went through some pretty intense things from June 2011-June2012.  It’s funny how everything started and ended in the same month a year later.  When I think of all I’ve been through it’s like how could I be the same after such an intense storm. I’d definitely say I’ve changed for the better. My mind has been elevated more so. I am who God constructed me to be for this exact period of time in my life.

During this duration of time it was literally something occuring every 3-5 days.  It was though I never had time to fully breathe or digest one challenge, problem, or issue before I was hit with another.  It was so uncanny that I knew it was orchestrated through God. And as time went on God assured me I’d be alright. God always sends exactly what you need when you need it. I honestly feel like God has made me a lot stronger for greater things to come in my life. I have business endeavors I’m working on. I honestly believe God threw so much at me in such a concentrated way to prepare my boyfriend and I to handle greater things to come. We went through this intense storm together. It’s funny that during this past intense year all the hurt, pain, and confusion of it all made us closer than we’d been the years prior. We’ve always been pretty close.  However, adversity has a way of either bringing people together or tearing them apart. There were times we were so equally frustrated with good reason that we took things out on each other. For the most part with time we learned to endure together. We walked distances in the cold together literally and metaphorically.  I’m thankful God brought us to it and through it. I guess now I’m adjusting to the new me. lol

The funny thing is others have often regarded me as strong, and my birth name means strong. But I’m the first to tell you whatever strong I was before has nothing on this. I know their will be greater storms, trials, and test to come, such is life.  But this past storm I feel will play a pivotal role in my life for years to come. I look at it as the storm that launchd me into my destiny and made me know more than ever who I am and who I strive to be. My friend that I feel like I’ve outgrown stopped by today to drop off the Shades of Grey books. I guess I’ll give it more time. She was so happy to see me, since it’s been two years. I do love her, just feel like I’m outgrowing her. I’ll see how it plays out. Bah to me and my sinuses. I’m beginning to fall in love with my neti-pot. After reading stories of amoeba’s ? I was very skeptical to use it , but the more relief I get from my clogged sinuses the more comfortable I get. I always use distilled water and clean my pot after each use. Anyhow I’m turning in early tonight as I feel a bit menstruation -e. Is that a word? Of course not.. till next time… toodles 😉 Because I’m sleepy I’ll edit this some other time.

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